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In 4 days I leave for Africa.
I will be there for the next 5 months.
I have not packed.
At all.
Holy shit.
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I am currently dating the most incredible guy.
So much else is going on with me, but I really just felt the need to say that.
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Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
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"I hate the fact that I still haven't written this paper... it's just stupid of me not to. My vacation could be so nice right now.. except that I still have a 10-pg paper looming over my head. Yuck."
me a year ago... funny how some things never change
...and fabulous how most things do.
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Monday, October 17th, 2005
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midterms kind of suck a lot.
And i'm sorry to everyone that has been trying to get in touch with me/call me... my phone is severely broken, and while the person I'm talking to can hear me, the amount I can hear is severely limited. It's kind of driving me crazy actually... I can't even talk to my mom.
It's sad how little I want to write in this thing anymore.
Life's good. chaotic. kind of intense. but good.
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Sunday, September 18th, 2005
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mmm a bit of an update while I have a lot of work to do:
- Montreal was insane... no words can describe the amount of fun and joy that arose from such a delinquent trip with two of my loves... the only thing that would have made it even better was having Kate as our fourth... but alas, we had to settle for hot husbands found in caves, random drunken boys who became obsessed, soft-core strippers, fabulously varied music, and interesting conversations about customs and the border.... love you girls.
- School so far has been great... the first couple of weeks included many a shit show and several run-ins with SJS. I was a bit skeptical about being back and there were quite a few days when all I really wanted to do was run home and be back in this past summer... but things are turning out well. Living with the girls has been wonderful even though they're all quite insane and dealing with their own busy lives, quirks, and mental breakdowns. I'm impossibly busy and loving every second of it... and yes, if you haven't realized through facebook... I am even pledging a sorority - Sigma Kappa- they are the perfect balance of social, party-goers and academically-minded, activity- driven girls... even though I've just met them.. I have a feeling it's going to open me up to a lot of possibilities and make my busy happy life even busier... and if that's not shocking enough, I've even made up with the crew team. *gasp*
I hope everyone is doing superbly at their respective schools... many of you I've hopefully spoken to (or tried to speak to) and it seems like this is going to be a great year. Shout me a holler if you're bored, sad, busy, happy - whatever.
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So I'm sure many of you have been wondering about how kate is doing in India.. and Penny just called to give the report.. I'm sure Kate will update when she gets back.. but I'd thought I'd let y'all know what I know.
So after spending being completely alone in Paris, Kate arrived at the airport with mostly adults to discover that their leaders weren't there to meet them like they were supposed to... so the group had to navigate themselves from airport to airport without the help they were supposed to have. When they finally met up with the leaders, the leaders announced that everyone had to chip in an extra $500 each b/c the trip was "more expensive than expected" and that they would take them all to a bank. My wonderful kate (who I'm so proud of) was the first to speak up and inquire about what this extra money was for... at which point the group found out that the group they were supposed to be staying with for the 2 weeks (who Kate had been told were like the Mother Theresa of India)... was actually a cult where they would have to wake up at 5am and chant for two hours... Some of the people in Kate's group had been completely aware of this fact and were actually followers of the cult, while others (like Kate) had no idea... The people who couldn't pay the money were told that they would have no where to stay... and many of the younger people ended up turning around and going straight home.
Fortunately for Kate, George had some contacts in India who she was introduced to before leaving for India... so she's ended up spending the two weeks staying with those families and enjoying India as more of a vacation than experience.
How horrendous is that? I mean... jesus... luckily, things worked out for her and she's ok now... so I thought all of y'all might want to know.
My cheeks are enormous... work is going to be hell tomorrow morning.
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So today I went to get my wisdom teeth extracted... and upon taking my x-rays... they discovered that I have not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE wisdom teeth. He said it's one of the oddest things he's ever seen... I had like a mini, dwarf-like tooth right next to my other wisdom tooth on the upper right... how incredibly odd am I? On top of that... he also said my roots are incredibly long and curved... which made them ten times more difficult to take out... but he said it's good b/c it's a sign of incredible genes and I will never ever lose my teeth...
So moral of the story: my surgery was ten times more painful and difficult than the average extraction. During it i was fine... i was cracking jokes and smiling the whole time.. but now... I have never been in so much pain in my whole life. While my mom was racing to the pharmacy to fill my perscription... I was shaking with the pain.. it was rather disgusting. Not to mention the amount of blood coming out of my mouth and the fact that I have 20 stitches. Then again, I am now so drugged up on percoset that I'm sure, this entry is incredibly ridiculous... and I get to eat all the milkshakes/frappucionos I want for the next three days... healthy eating does not exist when you are in this much pain.
On another note... I really love pilates. I went to my second class at the saw mill the other day and the instructor asked me at the end how long I'd been doing pilates... I told him it was only my second class and he was really shocked and said I seemed to have a natural instinct for it and knew my body really well.... which was probably the funniest thing I'd heard all day considering we all know how I have absolutely no coordination and am a huge ass klutz.
I can't wait for school to start! Although the summer has been winding down amazingly... I've been having a lot of fun and aside from the fact that my lovely Kate Schuster is absent and I haven't been able to hangout with some of my other favorites *ahemvivianleahsabrinaahem*... I've been pretty busy and enjoying myself. Ocean City was so much fun and I'm really excited to live with those girls this year... especially since we already have plans to go to the MIA concert in september and dance ridiculously to galang. Work has been going really well except for the fact that my illness has been preventing me from working as much as I'd like/should. But today I somehow managed to keep my energy up and I've gotten really close with a lot of the guys I work with... I'm kind of gonna miss them, even if on Monday I know I'm going to get so much shit since I'll probably be still be swollen from this damned surgery.
This is probably the worst/least interesting/nonsensical entry ever due to the Percoset currently coursing through my veins... so if you read this, i apologize profusely.
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Thursday, July 14th, 2005
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I accidentally ripped my nose stud out of my nose while I was rushing to get ready for work this morning... it hurt... a lot.
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Mainly thanks to Ciara, but with the aid of many others, the last three days have been a true shit show of sorts. Thursday night definitely proved to be a bonding experience for myself and Ciara as we embarked on an outing with Morgaine and some of her hispanic friends to Le Chave in New Ro. Oh my jesus, what an insane night... it was definitely... interesting. Between the whole ordeal of pre-gaming, driving there, trying to blend in with the locals, and getting way too many drinks at the bar to avoid undesirable dancing... it turned into quite the little shit show for Ciara... I, of course, was the designated and had to endure awkward conversation with one of Morgaine's truly nice friends while Ciara was passed out in the front seat as I drove the three of us home.. in Morgaine's car. But all in all it was really a lot of fun and quite the little kick off to the weekend... So props to Morgaine for inviting us... it's been great actually getting to hangout with that girl a lot more than I used to.
So after getting home way past 4 in the morning, I managed to wake myself up the next day in just enough time to hit the gym and then begin preparations for Day Two of the shit show... which def. was the epitome of the shit show. Ciara's party turned out really well... and although it was certainly quite the interesting mix of people, I'd like to think we all had a really good time and maybe even resolved some issues between a few people. Particular props to Robby for sobering up enough with me at the end to serve as the clean up crew for those who couldn't quite hold it all in... it was probably as good a time you can possibly have while cleaning up other people's vomit. The night was certainly quite the success... leaving me 50 bucks poorer, 5 grams richer, with a very large bruise on the shoulder, and with many interesting pictures. Oh yeah, and with the most incredibly vivid dream about... the container store. Yeah, that's right... I dreamt about the container store... oh man, I may have a slight addiction.
Anyway, I guess the point of all this is that, after thinking about it today, I'd like to just thank everyone from home. Whether it was everyone who helped to make last night terribly ridiculous, Sofia for being my mom or making awkward situations funny, Ciara for driving around aimlessly into the wee hours of the night, Vivian for sometimes managing to squeeze me in to her busy schedule/making me happy when she happens to be at the gym at the same time as I am, Ang for being my lifeline through one year at Gdubs and recounting countless memories, or Kate for letting me come sit in her house for hours and borrow her family... everyone at home is really quite essential to my existence. Regardless of whether I see you once a summer or everyday, you people keep me sane. At school it's so easy for me to just lose sight of who I am and what makes me, me.... but coming home and being surrounded by the people who helped to shape me into who I am, makes me remember. I know this is so corny of me, but I really am greatful to all of you for embracing me as little or as much as you have, for not always agreeing with me and challenging me when I'm incorrect, and for just really enriching my life with the little things.
I know I'm really lame, but like, even if I'm having the greatest time of my life at school, coming home to all of you is I guess what really matters. You guys were all there, during the good, the bad, and the ugly, when it really mattered... and I'm glad we all have the summer to remember that, and to maybe take a couple steps back and re-remember where it is we all were. I don't know, I'm... so lame. Please excuse this ridiculously long and drawn out entry, but I felt as though I needed to somehow express my appreciation for everyone from home... even those I might not speak to anymore or those who I don't get to see a lot.
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Sometimes I'm amazed that its already been a month since I left school... other times, I'm amazed that its only been a month.
I finally feel like I'm settling into a nice little summer routine. Once my background check is done, I'm going to be working at the container store as part of the "visual distribution team". I have to be at work at 5:45 in the morning... which may seem ridiculous for many but is absolutely perfect for me. I help unload trucks, restock shelves, design headers, and maintain the overall orderliness of the store along with helping customers. I'm actually really excited.. I'm now part of a group of 20 or so people on the team... and for the most part, they are all really friendly and energetic... and surprisingly, a lot of them are pretty young. So I'm pretty psyched about it... which is really lame of me, but we all knew I was lame a long time ago... Not to mention I get payed really well and have a 40% discount...
In other news, I've been doing South Beach... which apart from last night's binge with Ciara, has been going really well... I'm not doing it so much to lose weight, b/c I don't need to but more because I need to start eating a lot healthier. Between my horrendous eating habits, not sleeping enough, etc.. etc... last year was not a healthy year and I want to change that. I've also been going to the gym *a ton* which has been awesome... and hopefully I'll keep it up when I go back to school.
That's basically all that's happened... otherwise I've been spending as much time as I can with all my friends and trying to just hangout and enjoy the summer drama-free. I really just want to put any shit I have with people behind us and enjoy everyone's company and their positive attributes. Thus far, it's been going really well and I've just been really having a good time with everyone.
Things to look forward to:
-Ciara's
-Oasis.
-Meeting stupidhead (aka Jeff)
-Starting work
-My party
-4th of July
-Nantucket with my girls
-Ocean City, Md.. again with my girls
-Just enjoying the summer
So yup, I'm basically just really boring but enjoying myself.. there's a fair share of time when I'm bored and restless, but that's def. to be expected and will probably dissipate tremendously after I start working... I hope everyone else's summer is going super...Yup.
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I'm really home sick...
There, I said it. I know I've basically said it other times, but now I admit it. I.miss.home. I.want.my.mommy. I.want.my.daddy.
I.am.five.years.old.
Things here are ok, the usual crap with Joe... the usual being ostracized by the crew team... the usual being betrayed by people who were supposed to be my friends but have gone to the dark side (aka Joe's "side).... the usual tons of work that will never possibly completed to a sufficient level.
As much as things sound like they suck here, I'm really not that miserable. Things are pretty shitty but like, they could be so much worse. And the fact that I may be facing some huge obstacles in my future really puts it all in perspective.. it all just seems really stupid.
On the plus side, I've realized how much I can rely on the 5 girls I'm living with next year... while in words I've always said I was close to them..not until now did I really feel like I was close to them. They've stuck by side through all of this crap for the last two months.. and for that I'm really greatful.
Sometimes I really miss kate. Currently she's in Kansas with her boyfriend and I'm very much happy for her and the great life she has found herself in, but right now I could really use the support and the reminder from my best friend that I'm not an awful person and am only just a scapegoat. Yep. That would be nice.
I'm really looking forward to going to New Orleans with my family for my sister's graduation.. I actually really miss her and it'll be nice to see her doing better and have that reminder that I don't need to worry about her anymore... for now. Plus, the sunshine and being there with my parents and grandparents will just be really comforting.. not to mention the barhopping I'm sure I'll be doing with my sister. Then again, I also have to face the impending doom that will come with my grandparents discovering I have a nose stud.
Greg Stone.. a boy who I had a crush on at nerd camp when I was 13 and he was 16... just checked my webshots... I find that pretty amusing.
Oh yeah, my glands are getting larger.
I knew i had something of actual importance to say in this dumb thing.
Back to working on my paper and feeling melancholy.
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Thursday, April 28th, 2005
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Monday June 16, 2003:
Today:
I woke up at 5:30 in the morning, got ready for school... and attempted to drive over to Ciara's at 7. After driving past her house about 4875974897 times I finally got it right and arrived about 40 minutes late. Much to my dismay, Ciara was already halfway done with her essay and I got very very mock mad at her.. but then it was cool. Yeah so I wrote my fourth quarter grade essay in 45 minutes, we got bagels, and arrived to class at 9:55... only 5 minutes late.. not bad. Sooo class was retarded we didn't really do much.. what we DID do is hear Broggy's stories about when he was a pledge for his fraternity.. they put him through some crazy shit... electrocution, chewing tobacco and peanut butter, jumping 3 stories, massive assive paddlings.. lol yeah. it was pretty funny.
....It's things like that they make me really happy. You gotta love the random bouts of walking down the livejournal memory lane...
So thanks for everyone's support and advice... I know I didn't respond to it, I guess I just did the freak out thing for a couple of days and then went into denial mode.. which may or may not be healthy but it def. makes me able to function a lot better.
I'm beginning to seriously look forward to this summer, with things here being kind of crazy and with my rehashing of the past... I'm really looking forward to spending time with everyone back home. I don't know if all of you feel this way... but it's really comforting to me to have all of you to go home to, even if we haven't talked all that much this year.. it still feels like we can still fall into our old patterns of hanging out... not to mention, at least as I see it, there's an unsaid level of support where if we really needed to... we could ask for each other's help in a second. At least, I hope you all feel the same.. if not, then just remember you can count on me.
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Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
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What the doctor said:
The Good Things:
- My blood work is normal.
- I had mono a long time ago and just didn't realize it... so i can't get mono again
- My swollen glands might be due to my wisdom teeth
The Bad things:
- My swollen glands probably aren't because of my wisdom teeth
- It might be lymphoma.
- The bump on my head is a cyst on one of my sweat glands.
What all of this means:
Once i get my wisdom teeth removed, if my glands haven't gone down, I have to go in for a byopsy so they can figure out what's going on.
The cyst on my head won't do anything, but it can get infected... so I have to have it removed. So I'm going to have to go in for surgery, have my head shaved, and get a cyst removed.. probs. this summer. My hair will be gone.
Worst day ever.
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Because of one tiny phone call... my life as I know it, is in shambles.
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Wednesday, April 6th, 2005
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OK... so I know I dont normally do this.. I know that this thing is normally as self-absorbed as everyone else's... and it probably will be again after this entry.. but I feel that this is important. So just take a second... and gain an education.
On April 6, 11 years ago... a plane was shot down that was carrying the Rwandan president... this incident launched the beginning of the Rwandan genocide that took 800,000 innocent lives in only 100 days. Take a minute and just think about how many people that is a day... it's staggering.
Currently, in Darfur, Sudan... a country in Africa... over 400,000 people have died in the last two years... the humanitarian crisis is now escalating dramatically and it's expected that over 1,000,000 people will die by the end of this year. A million.
It is now estimated that 15,000-35,000 people are dying each month in Darfur and that this figure could rise to 100,000 per month... and while the U.S. government has been the only country to officially recognize the situation as a genocide.. the U.S. has still failed to actually act on it. We KNOW it's a genocide.. but don't DO anything. The U.N. has acknowledged the situation as Crimes Against Humanity... except fails to act on that knowledge.
Along with the people who are dying, MILLIONS have been forced to move into refugee camps... and those are the lucky ones. Many women are being raped, killed, or even forced to live in rape camps where they're subjected to brutal treatment until they eventually die.
This situation needs to be stop before it's yet another genocide that we could have stopped.. but failed to recognize until too late. I was at a rally today in front of the white house to increase awareness of this issue... Payne.. the representative from New Jersey and Danny Glover (an actor..) both spoke.. so it's obviously a widely known and pertinent issue to top figure heads as well.
There is so much we can all do.. even if it's as simple as buying one of the Save Darfur bracelets... (they're like the livestrong ones.. except green and they say "Not on my watch. Save Darfur.")
So if you're like, a real person.. just take a second, especially on this memorable day... and go to www.savedarfur.com or www.africaaction.org and just educate yourself... at the very least, try and educate those around you before it's too late for the people of Darfur and they become just another genocide like Rwanda, Cambodia, or Armenia... this can be stopped... more just has to be done.
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Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
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If my concentration sounds like wreckage, it's 'cause I got a new feeling every thirty seconds.
Currently, I am feeling that deep, in-the-pit-of-your-stomach, longing, hungry, emotional, about-to-explode feeling... why? I don't know. Who towards? absolutely no one.
Just a longing, a longing for something new, or maybe something old in a new form, or maybe something familiar in an uncomfortable setting, or something uncomfortable in a familiar setting, or just... something.
I'm so tired of school... not academics, I'm in love with some of my classes. Not training, that makes me more content than anything. Not my friends, as kate discovered.. they're pretty cool. But just tired. I'm feeling melancholy, bored, in desperate need of a jolt to my inner framework. Damn, it's frustrating.
Kate and i had a pretty good weekend... it was definitely odd having someone I'm so closed to in this alien environment with me. As tara said, our school... because it's in a city.. is a little bit more like living in real life... so I think it made it just that much weirded. But we had a good time, if not dramatic... it was nice.
I've realized that it's much easier to find people at home who relate to me than people here who relate to me... why? b/c everyone at home shares the same sarcasm, the same edge, the same ultimate thought process... and here... very few people get me right now. I'm lucky for rod... if i didn't have that one person who just totally and completely understood... I'd probably go insane.
If anything, I need spring break just for the sake of exposing myself to something very foreign... maybe it'll be the little jolt fix i need to come back here and deal with the more trivial. Or not.
Going in a circle and it's keeping you around.
You've been here forever but you've never been found.
You didn't want a witness
and I didn't want to see you living on your knees.
Rocket boy.
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Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
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And if we get together we’d be twice as clever
So staple it together and call it bad weather
I love Jack. His new CD is the one shining light in my week of hell... that, and Kate.. but you know. Ha....
She gets here in 9 hours. 9 hours. I have 9 hours to complete as much work as humanly possible.. hence the fact that I'm online at 9am instead of working. Let's list everything coming up in this next week and a half, shall we?
- Paper for Sexuality in US History
- Midterm Paper for Sex.
- Midterm in Environments... tomorrow
- Lab for Environments... tomorrow
- Midterm in German Lit... Friday
- Articles for Social Psych... today
- Reaction Paper for Developmental
- 6 hours of training videos to watch for DCRCC
- An email to DCRCC about availability times
- A talk with the library about how I did not lose their video
- Request form to be Exempted from the Withdraw rule.. along with a detailed explanation of situation
Yeah, I think that's pretty much about it... funny how it looks almost manageable when you put it in a succint, numbered list... too bad that's actually far from the case... Oh yeah...
12. Somehow entertain Kate while doing all the above, going to class, and attending my regular training. Heh.
Fourteen songs just doesn't seem like quite enough to calm me down... don't fail me now Jack, all this petty examining is getting in the way of my actually enjoying my classes. I'm in love with my Sexuality class... it seems like a cop out, but it truly is a very tough history class... replete with primary documents and 500 pg. works about every aspect of sexuality and history and culture you can imagine. And yet again the thoughts of being a history major plague my mind...
Last night in training we got to talk with people "up there" in DC politics/policing.... never in a million years would I have thought such important people would feel what we do is important enough for them to open themselves to our questions, comments, and attacks for a couple hours... but surprise, they do. It's hard not to feel animosity towards the USAO/MPD when our first instinct is to immediately believe the survivor... and their first instinct is to immediately find holes in the survivor's story... but I guess that's why we're even part of the process.
A sign of maturity is realizing the limitations of people, places, and relationships... and then accepting it.
Work.
I hope this old train breaks down then I could take a walk around
And I got no time that I got to get to where I don’t need to be
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Saturday, February 19th, 2005
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Oh yeah, I forgot this:
"Because of physiological changes in certain hormone producing
metabolic pathways during aerobic and anaerobic exercise, SWIMMERS and
ROWERS are the most sexually active athletes" -Time Magazine
hehehehehe....
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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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No no just another phase of finding what I really need
Is what makes me bleed
Random Damien Rice lyric stuck in my head.. yeah, that's right... it's the return of the lyric.
I just listened to the funniest conversation b/t Meliss and her boy toy who is really really drunk right now.. oh god drunken phone calls are so wonderful.
I'm finally getting over this stupid flu. I think having the flu might be one of the worst things you could get... it's so awful. But what's wonderful is when you're finally getting over the flu and you all of a sudden have lots of energy... and you know that in almost 24 hours you will be home where your mother will baby you and make you lots of food and you will sit on your ass on your couch in front of a tv with your wonderful dog who will be ridiculously excited to see you... so excited she will wet herself.. that is exciting.
Congrats to vivian on her deluxe new apartment. Maybe I will send her a plant so when she becomes a hermit.. she'll have something to talk to.
I was talking to Kate on the phone and she asked me if I was going out tonight...and normally I would... b/c it's a thursday night. But for some reason, today that question seemed utterly ridiculous.. i don't know, it was funny. Sort of.
I had other stuff to say... but I got sidetracked and lost the motivation... so boo to all of you and catch ya on the flip side... yeah, I'm a huge dork who is really happy b/c I'm no longer dying... muahahahahhhaa
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